Existentialism In The Age Of Coronavirus

Lukas Luna, Co-Copy Editor

“I am sick of quarantine.” It certainly is not a unique sentiment, I am far from the only holder of it and I will not delude myself into thinking otherwise. But if I might be allowed to be extremely self-centered for a minute, I feel that I might be able to offer what is at least an uncommon view of the grounded state Covid-19 has put us through. Let me explain. 


In the months leading up to the mess we currently find ourselves in, I felt as if I had truly become the best me I could be. Through the usage of positivity and the keeping of a cool head, I had begun getting more out of life than I ever had before. This was undoubtedly due to the people I surrounded myself with. 


I love people. Despite the odd claim that might be made to me being an introvert, I absolutely relish the presence of others. And in this presence did I feel like I had learned some of the most important lessons of my short life. Every time I was fortunate to meet up with someone I cared for, I felt my existence enriched by their mere presence.   


As one might guess, the prospect of self-isolation was not an appealing one for me. The thought of no personal interaction with the people I so cherished worried me deeply. What would  become of me without seeing them? 


Though the significantly less melodramatic side of me had different fears, ones that proved far more well-founded. What would I be without distraction, left totally alone to my thoughts? That was the other thing that I loved so much about my fellow humans, when socializing with them I was spared the prospect of looking inwards and confronting truths I rather would not. 


That latter set of worries came to fruition during my quarantine just as I feared it would. At first, I tried to hide from it by plunging headfirst into vast collections of media, with little care for the real world. Such a course of action was obviously unsustainable in the long run, and I soon felt myself overcome with a manic need for some great release to cleanse me of my feelings. 


That release has still yet to come. Instead, I regressed to a state resembling something of an emotional defeat. No longer do I feel a need for a cathartic purging of my emotions, I instead just bow to the massive knot that has formed in my chest. Hours that would have previously been spent watching movies, playing games, or pursuing some other thrill seeking endeavor are now taken up by me staring at my wall out of a total lack of will to do anything. 


So this is where I remain, in wait of a release that has still yet to come. Does this mean I am entirely devoid of joy? Of course not. Though I cannot see them in person, I still contact my friends everyday and the coming school year is shaping up to be a great one, so despite my best efforts a smile still crosses my face every now and then. 


And now I wait, both for some great release and what will hopefully be a better future.